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I have recently seen too much of these false promises that people use to make others feel good. You will always be 2nd. Having to be on your own on holidays is really difficult, and no one understands that "isn't your husband here. And her husband now is dead and she is left to wonder about their future. Too bad she couldn't handle the guilt and remorse. The woman provides advice and counsel but doesn't preside. Take issues as they arise, rather than throwing away what could be a good experience for you and her based off of what might happen. If i want to go for a walk, he has to prepare for it. If I just assume he won't be home to eat dinner with us, it's a happy surprise when he is. You can't gamble on her seeing Mormonism for the shit show that it is.
In the end, God is a just God. Most likely, the relationship isn't going to survive your differences in belief. I went to BYU. If you can't, then it's best to move on. You are not a worthy RM priesthood holder. The odds are definitely not in OPs favor for something like this working for him. Girls then struggle to reconcile degenerate popular culture with Mormon expectations. This also means giving her something specific to do. All I can recommend, as a docs wife of nearly 30 years, is prayer or to book a few sessions with a psychologist. If you can genuinely deconvert her then cool.